Dead-End Lovers: How to Avoid Them and Find True Intimacy by Nina W. Brown
Establishing and maintaining a meaningful, satisfying, and enduring intimate relationship can be elusive for many people. Time and again, they are drawn to lovers...
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Establishing and maintaining a meaningful, satisfying, and enduring intimate relationship can be elusive for many people. Time and again, they are drawn to lovers with whom the relationship is futile, ending with hurt feelings and regrets. In this work, Eminent Scholar Nina Brown shares her longtime experience as a professional counselor to help those with the question: "Why do I keep picking unsuitable lovers?" Brown calls them "Dead-End lovers," and in this work she shows us not only how to spot them early and avoid them, but also what it is - what psychological needs we have - that attract us to them. This work, guided by decades of counseling people with relationship problems, includes 17 clear signals of unsuitability, and how to spot the five types of unsuitable lovers - Hurting and Needy, Risk-Taking and Rebellious, Charming and Manipulative, Self-absorbed, or Exotic and Different. To help us understand why we are drawn to them, Brown explains the personal psychological lures and attractions we may have - from Being a Saver, to Searching for Excitement, Craving Attention and Admiration, Finding a Mirror, and Rebellion against Convention. She also details how we can move ahead and find true intimacy by pinpointing the components of a satisfying and meaningful intimate relationship, increasing interpersonal effectiveness, strengthening our psychological boundaries, resisting lures, managing emotions, and becoming aware of potential personal romantic illusions. She also explains why entering into a relationship expecting to change another person is most often just an exercise in futility.